Wednesday, March 11, 2009

This is a Blog Intervention


OK. I'm not Emily. I'm Spencer. I need to break into this blog and set some things straight. I openly admit that I am publicly using techniques of image restoration.

I am very happy that Emily and I have been married for 6 years. I love her so much!!! She is still my best friend and she is still really HOT!! (Of course that isn't the most important thing, but it is really nice.) She has a glowing countenance and a testimony to sustain our whole family through tough times. I'd say after six years of living together we know each other very well. As you can see, I can guess Emily's passwords to access anything. We know each others weaknesses and strengths. For example, I would say that one of Emily's strengths is making stuff. She makes some really great stuff . . .out of anything. She is really creative! I wouldn't mind being lost at sea with her, because she would make a cake, or a wreath, or a picture frame out of the ocean water. I guarantee it. Having studied a significant amount of persuasion, I would say that she is really persuasive. She knows how to get me to do anything she wants. I'll let her explain that one.

Likewise, Emily knows me really well and she helps me become a better person every day. For example, she taught me a more effective way of cleaning the bathtub. She gives me great advice on how to communicate more precisely with my professors and students (yes, I am the one getting a PhD in communication). You may have even noticed, she will even remind me that I forgot an "o" when I write "to" instead of "too" (who hasn't done that?). But there is one thing I really don't understand. Emily called me a "non-flosser". That really hurts. Why would she write such a thing? She knows me really well and she knows that I floss daily. She even knows that I clean under the bars of numbers 8, 9, 24, 25, 26, and even 27. I consistently show her that I don't just passively swipe that gore-tex filament through my diastamas, but I make a precise U-shaped movement at the end of each sulcus to ensure that all the streptococcus mutans are agitated and removed. If you don't know what I am talking about, that is because you have not been educated and tested time and again on your flossing skills. I don't know what to do about this great offense.

What should I do? Forgive and forget?

13 comments:

Ife and Celeste Tabakece said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...tiny little tears are coming from the sides of my eyes because I am laughing so hard...I thought it was just another Happy Anniversary post...but the flosser in you Spencer...I am impressed. Anyway, Emily really could make a cake out of ocean water. I LOVE her.

Mason Bourne said...

Whenever she says that you don't floss, just threaten to give her a wedgie...trust me, this works.

Stephanie J. Robertson said...

oh no spence! i thought we were in this thing together!!! hahaha

now i just feel horribly alone in my un-flossed, nasty state.

i'm off to track down some string. thomas flosses- maybe he can help me. :)

Will and Heidi said...

You are hilarious! Keep on flossing!

Lorie Ann said...

lol. wow. if emily can do all that, she is not only creative, but bordering on prophetic.

Becca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TY AND KUMARI said...

HAHAHAHA!!!!!! SPENCE YOU ARE HILARIOUS!! I LOVE HEARING YOU SAYING ALL THOSE WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT EM - IT IS SOOOOOO TRUE!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU GUYS BOTH TO DEATH!!! WE ARE HAPPY SHE MARRIED YOU TOO!!!! HEY VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE DENTAL LINGO SPENCE!!!! YOU DESERVE A DENTAL HYGIENE DEGREE ALSO!! YOU SUMMED UP DENTAL HYGIENE PRETTY MUCH HAHA!!! LOVE AND MISS YOU GUYS

VicandNanc said...

Hahaha! This is totally hilarious! Starting with the horse, then I love that Spenc knows all the bacteria, cleaning methods, etc. Don't worry, I get on Vic too, but unfortunately he still would never be able to post that much info! ...and yes, Em, you are so creative & cute :)

The Olson Family said...

Wow Spencer. Six years of marriage and it comes to this???? That must have cut deep Spencer, real deep. Those were some pretty heavy accusations by Emily. I can't believe she would do that to you. Good thing she apologized, or she may not have liked my advice. (haha)

Anonymous said...

You should know by now after 6 years of marriage, the best way to argue with Emily is to say, Emily You Are Right!!! Love Emily's dad (PS I'm trying to get Tammy trained.)

beck said...

You should forgive. But do diastamas really need to be flossed? Em?

Emily said...

Becki, yes, floss away(for beneath-the-gum-line benefits). But if you are in a hurry, I suppose you could skip over it. hehe.

Juli said...

Spencer, You are such a nice guy. When did you learn to write so well? I think Emily is awesome too.